The Importance Of Maintaining Boundaries In Your Relationships.

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We all have people that are a part of our lives that we consider ourselves to be close to. These relationships can range from anything from a parent to a close friend. There are so many different and unique ways that a relationship can be defined as being. When we feel especially close to another person and vice versa when it comes to another person feeling close to us, there is a level of connection that is deeper than with most. For example, when you have someone in your life that you consider to be your best friend, you are more apt to share with this person things that you likely would not share with your other friends. Because you feel a deeper level of trust with the person that you consider to be your best friend, you are more willing to open more of who you are to this person. Again, this kind of relationship isn't only limited to a best friend. The same may apply to a partner or spouse as well. I personally feel that the relationships that we maintain with others are the backbone of what makes us who we are as individuals, and I truly see it as one of life's wonderful aspects. However, there can also be instances in our lives where despite having a close relationship with another person, there are boundaries that are needed to be put up. From my perspective, knowing and establishing those boundaries are of critical importance as to whether or not a relationship with survive and thrive. 

Hello, hello once again folks! This is your man Brad H., and I'd like to welcome everyone to another edition of 'Brad H.'s Perspective'! This is a space that I use to express my thoughts on a topic that I think would be helpful towards us becoming better people in our lives. Thank you in advance to those of you that are joining me for another week. So for my soapbox this week, I'm going to sound like a broken record and give my thoughts on the Coronavirus outbreak that has taken place in the NFL. Those of you that are football fans have probably heard about the Steelers/Titans game that was cancelled due to players from the Titans team testing positive. Then today we found out that Patriots QB Cam Newton has tested positive, which has led to the postponement of their game with the Chiefs that was due to happen tomorrow. Though I'm happy that we are getting to experience sports in the midst of this pandemic that we're in, I was iffy about the NFL coming back for this exact reason. I really hope that the season is able to carry on through this unprecedented time we're in, but if this week's news is any indication of the future, we may see a cancellation of the season happen. Hopefully everyone stays safe, and we are able to continue to enjoy some form of normalcy during this time. Well that is my soapbox for this week, so lets get into this week's theme of maintaining boundaries in our relationships. 

So we're going to set this week's topic off by getting into what are boundaries when it comes to the people we're close to? Now this is something that can be purely subjective, and I want you all to keep in mind that I'm only giving my own personal perspective on how I see this. Now what is the definition of the word "boundary"? The definition I found via Google states that it is "a limit of a subject or sphere of activity." Now how does this correlate when it comes to how close we may be to a person? From my own perspective, I view it as a person not being inclined to reveal things to a person regardless of how close you may be. As stated with the definition of what a boundary is, there has to be a limit or cap on how involved a person is in your life. One of the biggest problems that I've noticed in regards to boundaries is that there are many people that feel that because you're close with someone that they're inclined to involve you in what's going on in their life. The thing to always remember is that you have very little ownership over another person, so no one is obligated to involve you if they would rather not. Now of course there are going to be times where they do involve you, but that doesn't mean that they're obligated to do so. I know some people may not like to hear that, but that is just the way it is, and you have to respect it when it comes to other people. 

Now that we've established a general sense of what the definition of what boundaries are in the context of our relationships with others, I want to use this section to address the best way to maintain boundaries. I believe that it is pretty straightforward, yet it is something that can be a struggle for many of us. From my perspective, the best way to maintain boundaries in our relationships is to not be overbearing when it comes to the people we're close to. As I touched on in the last paragraph, there are a lot of people that feel entitled when it comes to people they're close with. If you are someone that feels entitled to know everything that is going on with a person, regardless of what your relationship with them is, you have to work on remedying that. You have to be able and willing to give people both the time and space to open up when they're ready to do so. One of the things I've learned throughout my life is that you'll get much farther with a person that you don't constantly press. Again, I know that being overbearing can be tough because when you feel a certain level of closeness with another person, you feel as if they are an extension of you. While there may be some truth to that, both you and the person you're close with are still individuals. This means that there may be aspects of them that you won't always agree with and vice versa. 

So we've defined what boundaries are when it comes to relationships with others, and we've talked about the best way to maintain boundaries. Now we're at the point where I give my perspective on the importance of maintaining boundaries within your relationships. The main reason from my perspective why it is important to maintain boundaries in relationships is because having boundaries gives relationships the air they need to survive. I've talked about this in previous topics, but when you push and press other people too hard, you risk pushing that person over the edge. The edge in this instance is potentially fracturing your bond with that person. This is something that we all should understand because we all have things about ourselves that we may not reveal to people; even the ones that we're the closest to. Having someone not involve you in every aspect of their life doesn't mean that they don't care about you and vice versa. We're all human, which means that we do need interaction with other humans. However, we're all individuals as well, which means that we all need space on occasion. Your relationships with others will always thrive more if there are levels of boundaries. The goal is to keep people in your life; not push them away. This is why I feel that it is of importance to maintain boundaries in your relationships. 

That's all that I got for you all this week everyone. I hope that you all enjoyed this topic, and I hope that there was something that you all could relate to. Thank you once again to those of you that stopped by for another one of 'Brad H.'s Perspective'! Like I always end on, if any of you have any feedback or comments to contribute, please feel free to do so. If you're on Twitter and would like to connect with me, you can follow me @BradrickH. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your weekend, and I'll see you all in the next one. Stay safe everyone and peace out!

©2020 Bradrick H. All Rights Reserved.

Learn How to Be Good On Your Own First.

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I feel that the social constraints and stereotypes that society has placed upon us has mentally messed up a lot of people. For many of us, Instead of trying to live our own lives on our own terms, we attempt to mold our lives in the form of how the general public will judge us based on those standards. For whatever reasons there may be, society has blindly given us the impression that something must be wrong with a person that doesn't have a ton of friends, or maybe isn't in a relationship with someone by a certain time frame. As I've gotten older in this life, I've come to realize that this way of thinking is truly a mistake from my perspective. In my opinion, we have to learn how to be good on our own first.

What's up to all my people out there? Welcome to another edition of 'Brad H.'s Perspective'. It has definitely been a grip since I've written anything on here. In fact, this is my first official blog post for 2015. Despite the long layoff, I'm back at it once again with a topic that I think most of us can relate to. Before I get into my thoughts in this post, I wanna start off by saying Happy Late New Years to everyone out there. I know it looks pretty sad and pathetic saying that halfway through the month of February, but like the saying goes; "Better late than never right?" On a serious note though, I hope 2015 has started out positive for everyone.

So getting back to the topic at hand, we're talking about why we should learn how to be good and happy on our own first. Now before I say anything else on this matter, I want to say that by writing on this topic, I'm in no way saying that no one shouldn't need nor ask for help from time to time. I'm well aware that regardless how much we may think we don't need others, everyone needs someone else's help every now and again. The gist of what I want to get across is how so many of us tend to rely on others being there for us in order to be happy and content. This way of thinking primarily applies to many of those that are maybe seeking out a relationship or potential life partner. I mean lets face it, something must be wrong with you if you're a certain age and you're single right? That is what society and the stereotypes that we've created want us to believe.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I personally think this way of thinking is all jacked up. Now if you would have asked me if I maybe bought into that particular way of thinking 10 or 15 years ago, I probably would have agreed with the masses. My views on various topics and subjects have undoubtedly changed. I view these changing beliefs I've developed as the process of becoming older and wiser. We all seek out the love and companionship that comes along with having that special someone. If it's not a special someone, it's likely a group of friends that we care about. These are the people that we want around us more often than not. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting someone in our lives, or wanting to be around others. However, I feel that we put way too much of our personal value into other people. We tend to only be happy when these people are around and we're feeling good in their presence, but we're sad and depressed when they're gone, or if they've said or done something to anger us. It's like our emotions have become a direct chain reaction to others, which is not a good thing in my opinion.

Yes there are going to be instances where our feelings are linked to what those we care about say and do. However, it's something that shouldn't be happening all the time. Your happiness shouldn't be directly tied to other people. Instead, your happiness should begin and end inside of you. When it comes down to relationships and love especially, I have a belief that it shouldn't take a person finding someone to make them feel happy or whole. I believe that if a person is already happy with themselves, then the people that we choose to surround ourselves with will bring out even more of what should already be there. I see it as taking it to the next level. You're already good and happy on your own, and then you seek out those that have that extra gear to take your happiness even further. However, even if that gear happens to shift back into neutral, we will still find a way to be happy. Control your happiness; don't allow others to control it for you. That is just my two cents.

I believe I got the main ideas that I wanted to convey out there, so I'm going to go ahead and sign off on this one. I know that I tend to go on frequent hiatuses but trust and believe that no matter how long I tend to stay away, I'm still brainstorming and thinking of ways to get my thoughts out there for others to see. As always, I hope that there's some meaning and understanding that can be gained through these posts. Well that's it for this edition of 'Brad H.'s Perspective'. Again, I hope 2015 is treating everyone well so far, and I'll see you all in the next post. Peace!

©2015 Bradrick H. All Rights Reserved.

A Person's Character Should Be What Matters Most.

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Maybe I'm the only one that thinks this way, but I think that the society within our world today puts more emphasis on things of lesser importance, compared to the things that really should matter in life. Many of us judge others from some of the most menial things. The way an individual looks, how much money they make, and the level of popularity someone maintains are all examples of this. Am I in the minority in thinking that there is more to an individual and this life in general than the aforementioned? What about characteristics like love, family, trust, and loyalty? Is there not enough emphasis put on these traits anymore? I'm not entirely sure, but I have a few thoughts on my mind that I want to share. Welcome to another concoction of 'Brad H's. Perspective'. Thanks for taking out the time to check me out again.

There was this show that used to air on ESPN back in the early 2000's titled 'Playmakers'. Although it lasted for only one season, it was and still is one of my favorite shows. I still watch the DVD's from time to time. Anyway, for anyone that isn't familiar with the show, it was a sitcom that followed the lives of players of a fictional football team. There was one episode where the team's coach scolded the team for some questionable and dirty antics that several of the players partook in. Part of his scolding towards the team included words that to this point I've yet to forget about. "Character matters, and you all just showed you don't have any." Those were his words, and even though it wasn't a long drawn out speech, I personally thought he said a mouthful.

So why have I brought up the traits and characteristics, and the speech from the television show that I did in the previous paragraphs? Well, they are part of the bigger topic that I have on my mind tonight. To be honest, I've been thinking about this topic for a few days now. The topic has to do with the kind of character that we as people display. In a society where getting ahead and doing whatever it takes to get ahead seems to matter most, it's easy for people to lose sight of how important a person's character can be. So what exactly is character? Character is defined as; "The mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual". Now from that simple definition, what words stick out the most?

For me, all of the words are important, but the words "distinctive", "moral", and "qualities" really stick out most to me. Character is something that many of us are lacking in today. It's something that can't be bought, only earned. Instead of us noticing what kind of character a person may possess, we're more concerned with the superficial things in regards to people. Prime examples; there are people in this world that stick with someone that may have little to no character, only because that person may be bringing something that's superficial to their life. Some people believe that because they maintain a certain status in society, they can treat others any kind of way and think it's cool. If you're that type of person, what does that say about your character? What's the point of having all of the wealth and material items that life can offer if you don't possess character? Do you think people will really want to be around you if you're like this?

You may find some people to stick around you - mainly only to use you, but you most likely won't be able to keep and maintain healthy and loyal relationships with others. You'll most likely be one of those people that others will smile around and try to manipulate to get what they want, but deep down they can't stand your personality. Friendships and relationships shouldn't be solely about how a person looks, or what material things they can bring to you. Real and meaningful friendships and relationships should be about people that help enhance your spirit, and push you to want to be a better person. I say all of that to say this; for those of you who don't believe that your character holds weight, it does. Remember, a person that's maybe homeless and on the streets that has a level of character will probably be a better person than someone who may have everything, but devalues another human-being because they feel they're not on their level. Just my opinion.

One day we're all going to die, and the type of character and integrity we displayed will most likely be the defining factor between whether or not we're forgotten quickly or not. Just my two cents. Well that's it for this weeks edition of 'Brad H's. Perspective'. Thanks again for tuning in, and hopefully there was some meaning and some understanding found through this blog post. All thoughts and feedback are welcomed. I'll see you all in the next one. Peace!

Generalizations: Why are you letting them bother you?

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Hey what's up people? It's ya man Brad H. coming back at you once again. I know I've kinda been on a near two month hiatus, and I apologize for that. The writing slowed down quite a bit during the holidays, and that's the main reason for the extended absence. The good thing is that it's a new year, which means a fresh start for many of us. Anyone that knows me pretty well knows that making New Year resolutions isn't my thing anymore. However, I'm making a personal goal to keep this blog updated with more frequency. Besides all of that, I wanna begin by wishing everyone a happy and healthy 2013. Hopefully 2013 will be the best year of our lives. Now it's time to get into this weeks topic. It deals with generalizations.

Many people already know and understand what the word "generalization" means. However, I took the liberty to find a definition that defined what the word means to me personally. The definition I found defines it as; "an idea or conclusion having a general application". The words that really stick out to me in that definition are 'idea', and 'conclusion'. We're already aware that the world is full of various generalizations. Truthfully, nothing is limited when it comes to being generalized, or put into a single category. When I personally think of being generalized, I think of a person, a group of people, or anything that is put into a single category. For example, one of the most popular generalizations is the statement "all men are dogs". When I think of how generalizations are perceived, I basically think of seeing or viewing things or people through a narrow tunnel vision. We're all guilty of forming generalizations. Anyone who says otherwise is most likely naive. Everyone does it from time to time. I've noticed that many generalizations tend to rile up some people. This is especially true when it comes to relationships, race relations, etc.

It's okay to voice our dislikes when it comes to certain generalized statements by people. However, we all know that none of us can stop people from forming opinions about us, what we're doing, or a group of people we associate ourselves with. The unfortunate thing is that some people take generalizations from others so personally, when they really shouldn't. If a statement that is generalized doesn't apply to you personally, why are you allowing it to bother you or bring you out of your character? I see so many people getting angry and defending generalized statements, when they don't even apply to them personally. It's somewhat of a lost cause when you think about it. You're basically getting yourself worked up over nothing, and something that you quite frankly can't control.

I'm one of those people that believes that guilty people are the ones who let what others say bother them. The bottom line is that if something doesn't apply to you personally, don't worry about or sweat it. Just sit back, and let all of these other "know it alls" go back and forth arguing over topics that can be generalized. Besides, nobody knows you better than you know yourself. Therefore, what others say shouldn't hold a lot of weight on you anyway.

Well that's it for the New Years edition of "Brad H's Perspective". Hopefully this will be the first of many money topics for 2013. Don't let the generalized opinions of the many affect you personally. Way more important things to entertain than that. Till next time, peace, love, and blessings.