Why Linking Too Much Of Your Happiness To People Can Leave You Feeling Inadequate.

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I think that we can all agree that mostly everyone in this world wants to experience some level of happiness while we're here. I say "mostly everyone" because we also know that there are some people in this world that don't care either way. However, generally speaking, I think that we all want to experience happiness. Now what exactly is happiness? Happiness is a state of being that varies from person to person, and no two people will completely agree on what their definition of happiness is. I personally feel as if happiness is a state of bliss that we all desire. I also see happiness as something that must constantly worked on. I state this because depending on the level of happiness that a person is mentally able to achieve, happiness is a feeling that will be constantly challenged. We all know by now that the feeling of happiness is something that comes and goes. I see happiness as waves that are sometimes high enough to ride comfortably, but those same waves can also be low enough to not even ride at times. Again, it is a feeling that comes and goes. I've already pointed out that happiness is something that varies from individual to individual. However, I think that we can also agree that one of the biggest things in this life that brings us the most happiness is other people. Just take a second and think about all of the people in your life that you love and care for. I'm almost willing to bet that just the thought of these people probably made your heart feel full of joy. I do believe that the majority of our happiness comes from the relationships that we have with other people. However, I also feel that too many of us link too much of our happiness to other people as well. For this week's installment, I'm going to explaining why I feel that this can be a mistake in our lives, and how it can leave us feeling inadequate.

What's going on ladies and gentlemen? I go by the nickname of Brad H., and I'd like to once again welcome you all back to another installment of 'Brad H.'s Perspective'! I am here once again to give my perspective on a subject matter that I've been pondering on as of late. Through the content of this subject matter, I am hoping to bring a bit of inspiration that will hopefully help serve us all in our everyday lives. I'd like to thank you all in advance for those of you that are joining me for this week, and I hope that everything in your world has been full of peace and happiness. I know for a fact that those of you that are sports fans are probably happy. Last week was the start of the 2018 NFL season, and boy did it shoot off like a rocket heading into space. There was quite a bit of high scoring going on overall throughout the games on Sunday. Being that it was only the first week of the season, I don't feel like there was a lot that could be taken away from it. Now those of you that read my posts pretty frequently know that I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan. We saw the Cowboys lose to the Carolina Panthers by the score of 8-16. I personally thought this was a pretty ugly game on both sides from an offensive point of view. I think the end score is a pretty good indicator of that. However, I think a lot of that can be attributed to how well both defenses played, particularly the Panthers. There were a lot of questions coming into this season about how the Cowboys offense would look without having a "go-to wide receiver." Again it is only the first week of the season, so I don't want to push the panic button quite yet. However, I do feel that the concerns about the shape of the Cowboys offense is warranted by fans. I get that this offense is built around having a strong running game, but a team can find themselves without a lot of options whenever you run into a defense that defends the run well. Cowboys running back Ezekiel Elliot wasn't able to get much done, and quarterback Dak Prescott and the receivers besides Cole Beasley looked totally out of rhythm. Again, I want to stress that it is only the first week, but losing Dez Bryant and Jason Witten just may come back and bite this team. We'll see how this all unfolds in the coming weeks. Alright, I've talked too much about football, so lets get to the topic of the week of how putting too much of your happiness into others can leave you feeling inadequate.

Now this is the section of the topic where I give my usual disclaimer in regards to giving my perspective on topics. I make this a priority because I don't want people to get the illusion that I believe I'm always right, nor do I want others to think that I'm trying to change their opinions. We are all unique people that have different ways of thinking and seeing life. Since the idea that we're all different and unique applies to us when it comes to how we think and view life, it isn't realistic to believe that we're always going to agree. As I mentioned earlier, the goal here is to hopefully bring some inspiration to our lives, and I hope that the potential inspiration that I'm aiming to bring encourages us to open our minds to the ideas of others. Regardless of whether or not you folks agree with what I'm addressing for this week, I still appreciate every single person that spends a little time of your day reading this. So why did I choose the idea of how linking too much of our happiness to others can leave us feeling inadequate and unworthy? Well for one, I think this is a topic that I'm sure many of you can relate to. Being that we're living in an era of where social media is so relevant in regards to how so many people view their lives in comparison to others, most of us have probably engaged in this habit. Secondly, I myself have struggled with this in the past, and I'll concede that it is something that I still struggle with on occasion. So I guess in some ways that I'm going to be somewhat speaking from my own personal experiences on this topic. Finally, I feel this is important because I don't anyone out there feeling unworthy or inadequate. If you've lived long enough, the feeling of feeling inferior to others is probably a feeling that you've felt before, and we all know how bad of a feeling it can be. It is one of those feelings that can totally deflate your morale and the way that you view yourself. For this topic, I'm going to be bringing up a few examples of how we engage in this habit, and I'm also going to show why it is something that we have to work on avoiding. Again, I'm not perfect, but I'm going to do my best to get the points I want to make across. Lets go ahead and get into it.

There is no way to avoid people when it comes to interacting with them on a personal level. While there may be certain people that you may not care much for, the interactions we as humans have with one another is something that drives all areas of life. The reason I bring this up is to help establish the idea that having human connections with other human-beings is both natural and healthy. I wanted to be sure and get that out there because what I'm going to say next will likely sound like a contradiction otherwise. The very connections and interactions that we often have with other people; while a good thing for the most part, can also a bad thing at times. Why do I say this you may wonder? As with the theme of this topic that is being covered, we often link too much of our happiness to others. Now when I say that we link too much of our happiness to others, what exactly am I saying here? What I am saying is that there are too many of us that center too much of our entire well-being on the actions of others. Let me paint a couple of scenarios that I think are good at deducing my point. I'm sure that most of you have been in love with someone else at some point in your life. If so, how much of your happiness can you say was tied to the person that you were in love with? For most of us if we're being honest with ourselves, a good portion of it likely was linked directly to that other person. We know this is a fact because when that person hurt our feelings, or if the relationship at the time happened to come to an end, you probably went awhile not feeling much happiness right? Quite a normal thing, but nonetheless, a large portion of our happiness in that relationship was tied to someone else. The next example may not apply to many of you, but think about how many times you've been on social media and found yourself comparing yourself to someone else? Maybe you saw a woman that you liked with another guy, or you saw someone you know taking a trip out of the country, and you said to yourself; "Why can't that be me?" Though maybe a bit extreme, these are a few examples of how we as people tie too much of our happiness to others. One of the biggest problems with this practice is that it often leaves us feeling empty and worthless. Of course this is a feeling that none of us really want, yet time and time again we torture ourselves by putting too much emphasis on others.

So why exactly is tying too much of your happiness to other people a potentially bad thing? Besides what I stated earlier about it potentially contributing to having feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth, quite frankly, the people in our lives regardless of what your relationship with them are never guaranteed to always be in your life. Time and space always bring about changes, and the same logic applies when it comes to people. Why do you think people that were close at one point in their lives tend to grow apart as time carries on? There are circumstances in life that change people to the point where they can become someone you may not even recognize anymore. Though we may not want to acknowledge or accept it, the reality is that a person can walk out of your life at any time without any explanation. I'm sure most of you have dealt with the loss of a friend or loved one right? We all know how helpless of a feeling it is when someone that love and care for is no longer here. I think that we often try to paint an image in our minds that we are in control of things. We believe that if we do all the right things that mold a situation to our liking that we're always going to be in control of the circumstances that surround that situation. From my perspective this way of thinking is all wrong. The truth is that we have little if no control at all over what happens when it comes to dealing with people. The only thing entity in this life that I can think of that we're in control of or responsible for is ourselves. I can't remember off the top of my head at the moment the name of the topic or when I wrote it, but I recall mentioning in a previous topic how another person can never truly make you happy, and how happiness is an inside job. A person can only add to your happiness, but they should never be the end-all be-all of your happiness. Of course some of our happiness is going to be tied to people, but they key word is SOME! Again, it all starts within you, and we have to work on not surrounding our entire life around the actions of others.

So how do we keep ourselves from linking too much of our happiness to other people? I'm going to use an example from a film that I think helps puts this into perspective. I'm sure that some of you may have seen episode 3 of the Star Wars franchise titled "Episode III: Revenge of the Sith". In the film, the character Anakin Skywalker has steady visions of losing his wife, Padmé Amidala. After these continued visions of death and heartbreak take their toll on him mentally, Anakin seeks out the council of Jedi Master Yoda. After counseling Anakin on how to deal with his visions, Yoda tells Anakin to "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." Now some may think that is a bit extreme, and I can understand why since it is only a film. However, those words from Yoda were pretty thoughtful. Now how does this tie-in with the topic for this week? For those of us that struggle with linking too much of our happiness to others, we have to learn how to train ourselves to build a wall of happiness inside of ourselves first. You don't want to be a person that allows everything that others do to affect you in a way that brings you done in a negative way. Now none of us are perfect, so there will happen to be times when this will happen for most of us. However, it does happen, you don't want to dwell on it for too long. I think that happiness should be a state of being that can be controlled by us. I believe that when we link too much of our happiness to others, we have lost control of what our definition of happiness is. By doing this, we are allowing other people to define what makes us happy and what doesn't. Again, we cannot control everything in this life, but we can control the things that we choose to make us happy or not. In my opinion, this should never depend upon other people. We have to be willing to put things into the proper context, and be able to see things for how they are rather than what we want them to be. I'll end by saying that you are always an important and valuable person, and no one can ever change that. Even when other people may not see your worth, you are always worthy and valuable to someone.

Well that is all that I got for this installment ladies and gentlemen, so it is time to sign off for this time. This has been another edition of 'Brad H.'s Perspctive', and this is Brad H. saying thank you all once again for those of you that came through. Before signing off, I hope that there was some meaning and understanding that could be gained from this. I also hope that it is able to bring some inspiration to someone out there. If anyone wants to comment or give any feedback to to this topic, please feel free to drop a comment in the comment box. You can also connect with me on Twitter @BradrickH. I hope everyone enjoys the rest of the weekend, and keep the people that are being affected by Hurricane Florence in your thoughts. The trek that storm made from off the western coast of Africa to the states has been wild. Mother nature definitely ain't no joke, so stay safe out there everyone. Well I hope everyone has a good and positive week ahead, and I'll see you all in the next one! Till then, I wish you all the best! Peace!

©2018 Bradrick H. All Rights Reserved.

We're All At Different Stages In This Life (Comparing Your Situation To Others).

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I think it's a fairly normal habit for us as humans to draw much of our self worth and value from our peers. We often draw comparisons to where we may be at in various stages of life to those that we grew up around, as well as maybe the people we attended school with. It feels like the mindset for the majority of people is that you're only doing as good as your peers, and if we're not at or above that standard at the moment, then you're obviously a failure. Although it's a totally subjective thing from my personal stance, for most people, there is somewhat of an invisible bar that is used for the standard that people use to determine their self worth. Now although I feel this way about the subject, I will attest that drawing comparisons from our peers can be beneficial from a motivational standpoint. We all need inspiration to aspire for greater things occasionally, and using those that are maybe doing better than us in certain aspects of life can become a positive motivational force for us to do better. Now with all of that said, I also think that too many of us depreciate our own value at times. We put so much pressure on ourselves to live up to others, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy if we're not at the same level that our peers may be. Life has various stages that we all go through, and no one journey for one person will be exactly like someone else's. We're all at different stages in this life, so we shouldn't compare our situations to else's.

Hey, what's up ladies and gentlemen? It is me Brad H. coming right back at you like an arrow shot out of a bow with another edition of 'Brad H.'s Perspective'! I want to start off by saying thanks and welcome to you all. Some of you may already know the drill, but for those of you that maybe do not, I'm here to give my perspective on the various topics that I think about in my daily life. I try to take those thoughts and put them into words that I hope to not only benefit myself, but hopefully anyone else that needs a little bit of motivation as well. I hope everything has been going pretty good for you all out there as of late. I know many of you are excited about the NFL season starting less than a week from now. Trust me when I say that I'm definitely right there with anyone that feels that way, although an injury that occurred to a key player on my favorite team has somewhat tempered my already low expectations for this upcoming season. Some of you may already know that I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan, which means that the injured player that I'm obviously talking about is the quarterback, Tony Romo. I was actually watching the preseason game that he went down in, and I was thinking to myself that a lot of Cowboys fans probably stopped breathing for a sec. He was able to get back up and walk away on his, but of course we know now that he has a broken bone in his back. The ironic thing about all this is that despite me being a Cowboys fan, I already had a feeling that Romo would get injured at some point this season; I just didn't expect it during the preseason. At any rate, the rookie Dak Prescott has looked fairly good in the preseason, so we'll see what happens going forward. Of course we know the regular is different, so temper your expectations Cowboy fans. Alright, I'm rambled enough, so lets get into this week's topic of being at different stages in life.

Like I always point out in my writing, a person's individual viewpoint on a topic will always vary. My focus here isn't to put a lot of credence into what is considered to be right or wrong, but rather to give those that read something to think about further. As I stated previously, the main goal with this entry and this blog in general is to hopefully inspire others, as well as myself through the process. Of course if there is anyone that disagrees with the things I discuss or the method in which I use to discuss them, that is totally fine. Your visit is still very much appreciated regardless if our views differ. So how did we arrive at this particular topic for this week? Well, like most of the other topics I've written about, it is something that I already think about pretty frequently. Furthermore, it's a topic that I've had several in depth discussions with people that I'm close with about, but I've yet to come on here and give my thoughts on it. Finally, due to how relevant it is to so many of us out here in this world, I think it's a topic that I need to address more deeply in a post. For far too long, we as a people have based our worth on things that really shouldn't define who we are as people. I realize that this will continue to go on, but I feel that I have to do my part in showing others why they shouldn't be comparing where they are in this life to anyone else.

Now as I stated earlier in this post, we all are in different stages throughout this life. Although many people are aware of this fact, many of us still feel the pressures to keep up with the "Jones's" as people would say. There are several examples of life where this state of mind has relevance. Some examples may include things like getting married, having children, and finding the right career. Now I'm not saying that none of those things aren't important; they most definitely are. I believe, however, that the problem stems from the fact that many of us lose sight of the fact that no two individuals circumstances will be exactly the same, which means that some people will achieve certain aspects of life quicker than others. The society that we live in has painted this image where life is similar to a race, and everyone is expected to reach the finish line at exactly the same time. Of course life doesn't work that way, nor should it be viewed in this manner. From my perspective on this topic, the biggest comparison to life and goals is like people running a marathon. You have one person that gets to the finish line first, and then other competitors finish the race behind them. Some people finish the race a little slower, and some may not finish at all. That is what makes life interesting, and also makes us all unique as individuals.

So getting back to the mental aspect of this topic, there are too many of us attach our self worth to how we view others. Much of the mental part of this deals with we as people allowing others to make us feel this way. Like I stated earlier, in a generalized society, if a person hasn't gotten married or obtained a certain level of success by a specified time period, many people will paint your life as a failure. From my perspective, there are two key elements that we must keep in mind. First, try not to live your life based on a time schedule set by society. I believe a lot of people make some of the biggest mistakes by trying to live up to society's expectations. Instead of participating in this habit, try to remove those barriers from your mind, and live at your own pace. Secondly, do no compare your situation to your friends, your classmates, or your family. Whatever path you're on in life is yours and yours alone. It's not for anyone else to understand, which means that much of what we do will already be under scrutiny from other people. People may not always like your lifestyle or your choices, but most people will always respect a person that stands firms in their convictions.

Now touching once again on the self worth aspect of this topic, and this is the portion of the post that is the most important from my perspective. No matter who you are, where you are in life or what you've done, you are a person of value. No matter what anyone else may say about this, I believe that every person in this world has some kind of value. Some may wonder where is the proof in this? The proof is that we're here and breathing, so even if you don't feel you have much to contribute to this world, you still have the opportunity to do so because you're alive. I realize and understand that we live in a superficial society that places value on people by how much they've accomplished. While we should always strive to do better for ourselves, not obtaining the same level of success as our peers doesn't make you any less valuable. You may not have all the fancy or material items in this world, but your value to this world is priceless if you're the kind of person that gives yourself to others for a cause bigger than you are. So with all of that said, just remember that we're all at different stages in this life, so try not to compare your life to other people. Just keep focusing on being the better individual you can be, and I believe that the universe will reward you in kind.

Well we've made it through another week folks, so it's time for us to part ways for now. Now don't go crying on me now. I'm just kidding of course. Anyway, thank you all to everyone that came through for another edition of 'Brad H.'s Perspective' once again! I hope that this post was of inspiration to someone out there, and even in the event that it wasn't, your visit here is always welcomed and appreciated. Feel free to drop any comments or feedback like always. I hope you all have a great weekend ahead. Football is right upon us, so enjoy. I'm out people, so until next time, I wish you all peace and positive thoughts. See you all in the next one!

©2016 Bradrick H. All Rights Reserved.

Being Your Own MVP(Not Relying On Others For Validation).

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Ever heard that old saying; "If you want something done right, do it yourself." I'm sure that most of you have heard it before and if you haven't, then I'm glad you heard it here for the first time. Now in regards to that statement, it is indeed a very true one. In fact, I'm sure you know or have been around someone that has expressed displeasure with how you done something, but didn't take out the time to do it themselves. Kinda makes me think back to high school when other students criticized those of us that tried out for the basketball team, but were too scared to give it a go themselves. I think I may be onto something using the basketball analogy, and how it relates to my topic this time around. Hmm! This is Brad H., and you're tuned into another edition of 'Brad H's Perspective'.

As always, thanks for stopping through, and also for bearing with me in my month long absence. So I titled this post 'Being Your Own MVP' right? I also made a basketball reference in the first paragraph of this post. You're probably thinking that I'm referring to being an MVP in basketball like LeBron James or Kobe Bryant right? Absolutely not! Although I like the basketball reference and the fact that it somewhat coincides with the points I'm trying to make, I'm definitely not talking about being an MVP in sports. In fact, I'm not a LeBron James nor Kobe Bryant fan. I'm talking about being your own Most Valuable Player in the most important game that any one of us will ever take part in. I'm talking about the game of life.

When an athlete receives the MVP award in their respective sport, they've been deemed the most talented and popular player in that sport for that time period. The recipient of the MVP award can change on a year basis, although there have been athletes to win the award multiple times in their respective sport. The difference with being your own personal MVP in life is that it's an award you have to appoint to yourself. Nobody gives it to you, nor is it an actual trophy or plaque. It's primarily a mental state of how you view yourself in this world, and how much worth and value you feel you have.

I think that a lot of us in life rely too much on validation from other people in respects to how worthy we feel we are. Instead of listening to ourselves, we spend too much time listening to what others think of us. For example, you see a lot of women who go for a certain look, or dress a certain way to impress others and gain attention. Many of them take the compliments they receive as validation for being attractive, when it really doesn't matter if a guy or anyone for that matter finds them attractive or not. Same thing with a lot of guys, and I'll admit that I've been guilty of trying to do the following before. A lot of guys spend a lot of time working out and trying to achieve a physique that we feel will make us more appealing to women, when a lot of these women could careless about how our body may look. Now I'm not saying that all men and women do this, but what does these two examples have in common? They both involve partaking in something that we feel will validate ourselves.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's not about how other people view you. It's all about how you view yourself. Of course we all should appreciate compliments of praise from others, but the view that we have about ourselves should always start within us first. We can't always rely on other people for validation. That's an obvious sign of insecurity. Instead, we have to work on being our own MVP, and recognizing our self-worth without the cosign of other people. Now don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that others pointing out positive things about you shouldn't be a confidence booster. All I'm saying is let those compliments and positive feedback from others be an addition to what should already be there. Think of it as an expansion of positive messages.

So to sum it all up, focus on becoming your own MVP. It all starts and begins within us. We have to always recognize our self-worth first. It's perfectly okay to struggle with this, but hopefully we're pointing ourselves in the right direction. Well that's it for this 'Brad H's Perspective' blog posting. I hope that you enjoyed it, and also gained some kind of fulfillment from it. Thanks again for tuning in, and I'll see you all again in the next one. Peace!